The joys of the weekend release through my exhale…a timid excitement enters through my inhale. This week will bring change. For better and for greater. It’s all in my hands and my possession. My life is a gift; my journey is a map of small decisions giving direction to a future…a future will be truly great. Change is coming. Change is now. Yes, and so it’s time.
For the majority of the 26 years of my life I struggled with my self-image which led to low self-esteem. Throughout high school I did everything I could to try to lose weight and be amongst my tiny-bodied friends. I didn’t achieve this goal in a healthy way; I decided to simply stop eating. The negativity brewing in my mind fed me thoughts of disgust towards my weight and a deep sorrow planted its roots within me about never being good enough or pretty enough.
After years of fighting this inner battle I came to learn the amazing creation I am and how perfectly I was created. It truly took me twenty-six years to start to love myself. Just earlier this year I was still struggling with my weight and the woman that stared back at me in the mirror. Over the past few months, I’ve focused on speaking kind words to myself and focusing on self-development so I can improve my thoughts, be a better and kinder woman for myself and then to share this journey with other woman who need to hear it.
Woman was created as the great crescendo at the end of creation. God had created land, animals and man but he still felt something was missing. It was then that He created Woman and entrusted us to be the ezer kenegdo to man. This Hebrew word cannot be translated directly but is similar to helper or help meet. This word is used 21 times in the Old Testament. It’s used twice to describe woman, 3 times to describe military assistance and 16 times to describe God. How remarkable is this! That the word used to describe God in a situation when a lifesaver is needed for Israel is the same word God himself uses to describe woman! This truly shows how God interprets a woman and her power and strength to help in this world; that she is meant for so much more than just being a woman – she is meant to be a lifesaver!
If the Great Creator has such a vision for every woman, how is it that we lose track of that vision so often? When I looked in the mirror in the past I saw a young woman that was never skinny enough. The harsh words and things I would tell myself I would never think about saying to anyone else but for some reason I thought it was okay to speak to the woman in the mirror that. I saw a woman full of pain that was deeply rooted in her past and the doubt and fear of beauty that she held within her.
Through changing my thought process and being more aware of my thoughts I have been able to change my perception of myself and actually develop a love for myself. This is something I know many women struggle with – self-love. When I look in the mirror today, I see a woman that cares about her health and lives in partnership with her body. I see a woman that eats well and works out because she knows that is the correct way to develop her body and not abuse it with diets and malnutrition.
Today I see a woman that, through many dark moments in her past, is now strong and has a pure understanding of just how important she is and that she has a purpose. I see how speaking kind words to myself about my body and actions impact me and I make a great effort to always speak positive words and remind myself of my strength and that I’m loved so deeply by those in my life and by God. I see a woman that knows she will always persevere and is never alone. I see myself as an ezer kenegdo; a name and strength so unique that only we women can possess it.
As difficult as it can be, when you look in the mirror, see yourself as the strength that got you to where you are today. Look and see that you are still standing; still surviving and living through each day. Start speaking kind words to yourself and be more aware of your thoughts and how they affect you. You are the crescendo of creation…when the symphony grows in sound; vibration getting louder and everyone then holds their breath awaiting that one last great note; that one last note of beauty so profound…realize that they’re holding their breath for you.
A smile on her face, she walks through life with joy and constantly allows her heart to sing songs of love and happiness. Others look on, wishing they too could possess whatever is it she has. They wish they could carry such a smile and walk with purpose; with a skip of positivity.
My wonderful readers I’m going to let you in on a secret. Being positive is a choice. I know because it’s a choice I make every day. Most days I wake up feeling wonderful and know my day will be great no matter what adversity I face. I know that I will do my best to carry out this joy until I retire to bed each night. But there are days when I wake up in a “funk.”
I wake up with a heavy heart or even with anxiety. A year ago, on the days I woke with a dim light in my eyes, I would give in to it. I’d move slowly in surrender. I would allow the storm twisting inside to control my day. The worst part is, I’d allow it to pour its dreary rain on those around me. I felt I couldn’t control it and would completely surrender to it. My heart would be sensitive and so I’d find reasons to be sad and most of my day would be filled with tears. It was always hard to get out of this storm because most of it was self-created and self-driven. I was allowing myself to wallow away in my insecurities and allowed negativity to flood my thoughts and seep deep into my brain.
Over the past year, I’ve matured and learned a lot about myself through self-development. What I realized is that I have a choice each day; even on the dreary days when I don’t want to get up or even leave my bed. Those days, the choice may seem harder but it’s simply black or white…do I want to allow myself to retreat into a dark place internally or do I want to remind myself that I can have a good day and it starts in that moment; in that choice. So now, I always choose to have a great day; to know that if I can’t change my mood instantly or change the situation that created my storm I can always be in control of my perspective and choose to make it positive.
So my question to you is: how do you deal with your stormy days? What steps will you take to ensure you do your best to make each day a great one?
On my most difficult mornings I get out of bed, look in the mirror and tell myself something kind. I remind myself of my beauty or how hard I’ve worked to live a healthy lifestyle. I make sure to say something kind to myself because each morning the first person I start my day with is me. I shouldn’t expect others to make my day wonderful for me…no, that responsibility lies right in my own heart.
Listening to my favourite song in the morning sometimes gets me going, or even listening to an inspiring podcast. Going for a run or doing some strength training always helps as well, followed but a hot shower with some lavender or bergamot essential oil. What I’m getting at is that even when you wake up in a funk, you can still choose to have a wonderful day and by making that choice you may even positively impact someone else and change their day around.
In the world I live in now, there is no bad day…just days with some rough edges. The only way to smooth those edges is by choosing to have a positive perspective as soon as your toes touch your bedroom floor at the start of the day.