The wind blows, chilling my ears and guiding me into a time of transition. These late months of the year usually brings change for many of us; whether it is in relationship, work or as we walk down a new road. My heart often sings for newness and love around this season. What is your heart singing? Does it sing a song of new love? Perhaps it sings acapella; happy to go through the season alone with time to reflect in the past months. While some are excited about change and transition, for others it can be quite daunting…what will the result of this change be? How will you continue and work through it?
As I prepare for the hours of work (outside of my day job) I’ll need to complete for a mentorship I received, I have a sense of direction and can see a positive and successful outcome. Enters the voice of Doubt. He slowly walks into my mind, so quietly that I don’t even notice his arrival and welcome him as a new thought. Like my elementary school enemy, he befriends me by first telling how wonderful this mentorship is and what amazing success will come from it. I lean into this and become excited.
Then just as I feel I’m ready to conquer my to-do list and get things moving fast and strong like a locomotive, Doubt starts to whisper…he starts to release his plan of destruction; he whisper thoughts of defeat. He places images in my mind of me doing everything I can to grow and be the woman I want to be and then tears the image apart. I see myself drifting further away from my dream and see nothing but failure; me left exhausted and like road-kill, left to the side, so destroyed I can barely recognize myself.
It takes a few days for me to actually see that these thoughts and whispers are not of my own. I realize that Doubt achieved what he set in for. He was able to bring me down for a few days. He tangled my thoughts much like a knot of yarn (which I so despise). Taking a few minutes, I remind myself that I was created as a great world changer. That my success isn’t meant for my enjoyment but to help others and so I have no choice but to push through; push through the knots of despair and dishevelment that Doubt so carefully weaved. I have to stand strong against Doubt and not let him tangle your mind and knock down your positive strides.
Your dream was placed in your heart before your creation took place. Your purpose was carefully planned before you even grew to a fetus in your mother’s womb. Little words and thoughts can’t break you down because you were made of armor. Your entire being is that of love and purpose. The strength you possess is unbreakable, unshakable. You were meant for more so it’s time to move. It’s time to continue on your path being aware of Doubt’s clever path of destruction and making him fall flat. He will be the one to fail, not you because you have a purpose; you are strong and you are ready and you are needed.
Everyone was laughing and hugging each other as each family arrived. All of the moms had a glow and the children, now young adults, smiled as well and were excited to be at grandma’s house to celebrate Mother’s Day. The smell of dinner wafted to the door as the aunt’s gathered in the kitchen to put the meal out in the dining room. Though the sun was out, the warmth in that house radiated from the hearts of this family’s love. There were two hearts however that weren’t as warm; two hearts that held a few tears. This day had never been easy and perhaps it had become even harder. The two sisters smiled for their family and shared in the stories and laughter of their family but inside, a small stormy cloud was doing its best to consume them as thoughts of their mom followed them all week and now into the weekend.
This is what Mother’s Day looks and feels like for me and my sister. With our mom’s passing two and a half years ago, certain occasions throughout the year can be difficult, especially one that revolves around a mother. We do, however, love to see how other families spend the day doing special things for their mothers and going out to dine. The realization is that when your mother has passed, it changes you forever; it impacts you in a way that only others in the same boat can understand.
What we have to remember though, is that there are loved ones around us and motherly figures we have, whether in the form of aunts, grandmas, role models, mentors or family friends. Celebrating this day should still be important. It’s a day, not just for moms but for those strong women we have in our life that guide us and encourage us. Celebrate these women on Mother’s Day and let them know how they inspire you. They can never take the place of a mother but they can and have been there for you so let them know. Then take the time you need to celebrate your own mother doing what she liked best or something that would make her smile.
Celebrate your mom and show her your love.
My sister and I celebrate our mom as best we knew she’d want. We write a card for her, buy her beautiful roses (her name is Rosita but everyone refers to her as Rose) and we also buy a bottle of red wine (her favourite). With wine glasses in hand, we visit her grave. There’s a quaint gazebo near it where we park ourselves for a few hours, sipping wine (being sure to leave lipstick stains on the glass as she always did) and laughing as loud as she did; as if she is there with us. Then, yes, some tears stream down our cheeks but it’s all in love for her and celebrating her unfailing love she always had for us and anyone she knew.
This Mother’s Day, celebrate your mom. Celebrate what she’s passed on to you…her smile, her beauty maybe a bit of her attitude? Smile with your mom if she’s here with you or smile for her if she’s watching from Heaven. Allow those around you to share their warmth and take comfort in their love for you. Make your mom’s day full of love…and smile…for her.
The air aroundme began to get thick. I could no longer breathe or find joy. I knew I had to change things; I had to change my environment and my life. Severance package in hand, I walked out of the building smiling knowing that this moment would change my entire being forever. No more doubt. No more negativity. From now on, I call the shots and make everyday a positive one.
That day was a year and a half ago and since then, I was able to set my mind to my heart and chase after my dreams. I’ve achieved a lot in this short year and there’s still a lot more growth to come but I’m ready for it now.
I can admit though, that there was a time when I was scared; a time when I wouldn’t have taken a risk unless I had something else set up. But then life does that to you; it sent me away with a severance package and no plan as to what I’d do next. I had to figure it out quickly and do my best to stay positive.
Change your environment and take that step.
There are hurdles we come across on our journey. Like the moon hidden behind clouds, sometimes our path is dark and we have no direction. We wander for some time; we play with ideas in our minds. Our mind tells us to go one way while our hearts tug at something more; that something being what our passion falls to. Perhaps we’ve always been afraid to trust our heart; simply trust our passion and walk in the dark to where we’re hoping the light will one day shine.
But our mind questions: how long will you walk in the dark? How many times will you stumble and fall? How many times do you really think you will get back up; bloody scratches tempting you to stop and whispers in the wind making you doubt yourself?
The answer is purely…how bad do you want it? How much are you willing to put in? How much effort and how much time? Will you make the time or will you make excuses? If you don’t walk in the dark now, then when? And if not ever, then how badly will you regret it later in life and wish you had just taken that one step; that one chance?
I can tell you from experience that the road to your dreams and passion is a rough one. There is doubt and you may not receive support from those closest to you. In the end though, you’ll discover a strength about yourself you never knew existed in you. You’ll be able to dream big and achieve big. But no, it won’t be easy. In fact, sometimes it will be so rough that you’ll want to quit. You may even wish you had never started on this path…but push through. When it concerns your passion in life, always push through. Success is at the end of this dark, gravel road but you’ll never see if you don’t take that one step into the dark.
Your heart’s passion, your dream, is definitely worth it even if others don’t see it. You’re not pursuing this for them, you’re doing it for you…for your happiness; your joy. You’re the one that will have to work for it and you will…because it’s time; time to make that dream a reality.